2024-11-06-Wed (311)

> [!check] This is a page out of [[What Is Grail Diary|Grail Diary]]. Vďibňík (Štúdium): Wed 06:42 – Wed 06:47 (00:06) *Grail Diary entries or review* --- Admin Chores (Robota): Wed 06:47 – Wed 07:29 (00:41) *includes work preparation & organizing* > And there it is, today's email threat, 'sooner than usual' – at 6:47 a.m.; couldn't even properly start the day recap with the robot. Well, 3 more phone calls with the police have already happened this morning; it needs to be hoped this will not become part of an everyday 'morning ritual' from now on... --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): Wed 07:29 – Wed 08:58 (01:29) *Grail Diary entries or review* > continuing with the day recap featuring the robot --- Robota Local (Robota): Wed 08:59 – Wed 09:29 (00:31) *money-making from home office* > helping school to resolve a website issue --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): Wed 09:29 – Wed 09:40 (00:11) *Grail Diary entries or review* > Well, a monumental Election Day deserved an extensive recap talk with the robot; the downside is, it's already 9:30 a.m. now, I missed breakfast, and I'm probably too tired now to go to `kuťičné Tesco` to grab a baguette/bread. I may end up with junk food for belated pseudo-breakfast in bed now, recovering from exhaustion. I will need to go to sleep ASAP, too, of course, after yet another sleepless night. There were the 2 external early-morning disturbances, too (mail threats & website issue) that slowed me down additionally for an hour and a quarter at least. I forgot to mention in my recap talk with the robot, that despite all of my embarrassing failings on the previous insane day, I would have rated it 5 stars, not 2 stars, if Kamala had won the election. Because her win would have been such a monumental milestone, it would overshadow everything else; but she didn't win, and so this Election Day Tuesday ended up being rated exactly what it deserved: 2 stars. --- Krmivo (Chores): Wed 09:40 – Wed 10:34 (00:53) *mealtimes* --- Sleep (Sleep): Wed 10:34 – Wed 13:07 (02:33) *preferred from 10 to 5* > only a 26% Guesstimate, because I failed to stop `Chrapapka`'s record of sleep in the standard fashion; in any case, a *miserable* pseudo-sleep (see below for more details) --- Krmivo (Chores): Wed 13:07 – Wed 15:07 (02:00) *mealtimes* > doing nothing; --- Nap (Sleep): Wed 15:07 – Wed 16:16 (01:09) *afternoon preferred* > another guesstimate: let's say this nap was worth 12%; so in total, for the day, that's a rating of 38% for overall sleep – that's *miserable*, and no wonder I'm all broken up; see below for details; my sleep deficit is *so* severe right now that `Elektroprsťeň` refuses to display *any* Sleep or Readiness score for me today – it (rightfully) doesn't even consider today's pair of sleeps/naps to be 'proper sleep'. --- Online Comm (Altruism): Wed 16:16 – Wed 16:35 (00:19) *all types of it* --- Tvorba (Štúdium): Wed 16:35 – Wed 16:55 (00:20) *typically writing* > (estimate) --- Online Comm (Altruism): Wed 16:55 – Wed 17:59 (01:05) *all types of it* --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): Wed 17:59 – Wed 18:39 (00:40) *Grail Diary entries or review* > What the hell...! Day unraveling right in front of my eyes. This was to be expected: a day of *severe* political (and not just political) hangover. But an astonishing thing happened: I couldn't believe my eyes. Just as one you-know-what seems to be evaporating from my life (finally! still *total radio silence* from that direction, ever since that misfired compliment of mine 2 days ago), *another* you-know-what, a *former* you-know-what, reappears out of the blue! This is *ridiculous*: suddenly, after a couple (or maybe not just a couple) of years? I was overjoyed, of course; and reacted profusely; which derailed this awful day even further, in terms of its slipping away from my hands before it even properly began. I have, so to speak, only just *started* this Wednesday, yet it's already *dark* outside, and Wednesday is drawing to its close. 'Lunch' from school cafeteria once again not retrieved; will need to head out into darkness once again, to get it for tomorrow's breakfast. Life totally and chronically upside-down. Kitchen tabletop soiled with dishes from past *weeks*, which contributes to fraying my nerves even further, and to overeating. I was so thoroughly *exhausted* after the Election Night when I finally got to 'breakfast' at 9:40 a.m., I only managed to take out the delicious `Prasačinki s cibulovo-horčicovú Omáčkú` from the fridge, and proceeded to devour it in bed, *totally cold*, as I was too exhausted to warm up the food. Because first, the *pot* would need to be cleaned, yet I was too exhausted to clean *anything*. So I merely gobbled the delicacy stone-cold. Then, out of exhaustion and frustration, I grabbed 3 more packages of junk food; oh, now I can see it was actually *4*. I devoured (for today, Wednesday, in total) around 300 grams of potato chips, 100 grams of peanut puffs, and a quarter kilo of sweet biscuits – that's some absolutely insane abuse of one's body. I then fell into a heavy, non-restorative sleep; when I woke up from it, at 1:07 p.m. (so it wasn't even a `poloviční jaskinní Spánok`), I was so depressed & tired I was unable even to make a single tap on miniPad to stop `Chrapapka`'s record of the sleep; I instantly proceeded to devour *more* junk food, while lying in bed, for 2 straight hours, while reading about the 'aftermath', on exTwitter and elsewhere, of the orange thing's defeat of Kamala in the election last night. This, of course, only served to make my mood even worse. *Depression* from what happened on Election Night, and from the potential consequences for years to come, began settling in. At 3:07 p.m., I fell into an uneasy, non-restorative nap, which ended at 4:16 p.m.; I don't think I even *really* managed to fall asleep; I'm just totally broken up today. Now *another* 2 hours have suddenly passed, with me accomplishing nothing at all, just replying to all sorts of online messages (including the exhilirating one to former you-know-what). Oh, not really: one fun thing I did accomplish was I let the robot *illustrate* a key entry from yesterday's *Vďibňík* report on Election Day; the drawing is imprecise, but funny to look at, so I uploaded it to yesterday's *Vďibňík* page supplementally. I'm just totally and utterly lost right now; drowning in all sorts of 'top-priority' backlogs, all of them seemingly requiring my attention *all at once*; and they only keep piling up. More and more and more and more – *every single day*, the *mountain* of backlogs gets *higher and higher and higher*. I guess the only way to move forward now is to *close your eyes*, and using the Pomodoro method, tackle a bit of this backlog here, and another backlog there. No reasonable way of working, or living, is possible in this way; it's strictly navigating through 'auto-pilot', without any guidance from anything, because all of my habit-trackers, my `Trubadúr` to-do software, everything, everything – has just *collapsed*. In this spirit, I will now try and close my eyes, and finish that English blog post on Copilot's failures – something I thought would have been finished 2 and a half days ago. Within *Cibuľe* in between *Pomodoros*, try cleaning the lunch pail; then pick up 'lunch'/future breakfast from school. Fatigue and exhaustion are great; so at any time, insert yet another nap, and another, and another – nap through the entire day, if necessary, rather than succumb to all sorts of temptations (and I already succumbed today, in terms of the repeated junk food gorging); *that* was the key learning from the nightmarish Election Day, after all: *don't neglect your trio of 'tromfové Esá'*! So, let's go: on with the English blog post now, observing the Pomodoro rhythm. — But to conclude, I should once again stress how *delighted* I am that there's been *total radio silence* from the more recent you-know-who for 2 days now; after all, it was *self-delusion*: *self-delusion* the entire time, nothing more. I'm not even sure when exactly it started in this form; must have been some time this year (half a year ago, perhaps?); but this *total radio silence*: that's the most perfectly healing *medicine* from that self-delusion I could ever ask for. So, yeah: please let's *continue* with that total radio silence; preferably *forever*! --- Online Comm (Altruism): Wed 18:39 – Wed 20:08 (01:28) *all types of it* --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): Wed 20:08 – Wed 20:17 (00:09) *Grail Diary entries or review* > More and more and more *gigantic delays*; this is utterly hopeless. I haven't even budged from this `Repakokpit` office chair, ever since I wrote the previous entry; I disposed of a couple of urgent emails (both work- and family-related), yet this devoured additional 88 minutes. I haven't even *started* finishing the English blog post. My bowels seem to be bursting: I should pay a visit to `ňebulharskí Líder na Trhu` *immediately*, yet out of frustration, I will postpone it until I get at least *one* Pomodoro done, finalizing the English blog post. The unexpected message from former you-know-who reminded me that *creative* pursuits is where I *really* live; everything I've ever created has been for such 'you-know-who's: for their *celebration*, so to speak. So, let's go and celebrate (and have a good time – Kool & The Gang, anyone?), and finish that darn English blog post on Copilot failures, to celebrate *all* you-know-who's past and present (hopefully, there will be no future ones). In this sense, out of the blue, the former you-know-who emerged as a totally unexpected source of *inspiration* in this otherwise totally dismal day. --- Tvorba (Štúdium): Wed 20:17 – Wed 23:57 (03:40) *typically writing* --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): Wed 23:57 – Thu 00:05 (00:08) *Grail Diary entries or review* > Well, there it is; I still haven't budged from the office chair; my entrails bursting, I guess; it may have been that former you-know-what who gave me the motivation to keep sitting here for *3 hours and 40 minutes* (!), working on finishing the English blog post on Copilot's failures, now 3 days too late. The draft in Obsidian is finished; I let two robots evaluate it (4o, o1-preview), and they both rated it ⭐⭐⭐⭐, which must be good enough in an emergency situation like this. The post now 'only' needs to be transferred from Obsidian to Substack, which, while simple in itself, might require some time, given the post's enormous length (12.5 thousand words); I'm utterly exhausted now, and can barely remain sitting in the office chair; will need to leave it for later; will need to go to bed right now, right after I do the day recap with the robot; if I fail to fall asleep *again*, despite the *enormous* fatigue I feel right now – well, I don't know what to say about that. I wish I could sleep for 10 straight hours or something; another bomb threat incoming at 7 a.m. or not. 'Lunch' still waiting in cafeteria to be retrieved; perhaps I will just need to let it be thrown out by the staff. Failed to move at all over the course of this awful day; I haven't even managed to *wash*. (I mean myself, let alone the dishes.) Let's close this day and hope for better things to come after a good, deep sleep – *maybe, finally*...?! --- Admin Chores (Robota): Thu 00:05 – Thu 00:12 (00:07) *includes work preparation & organizing* *** ## Robot Feedback on the Day #1 This Wednesday certainly has the look of a day where _everything_ – from disrupted routines to accumulating backlogs – felt like it conspired to keep you in a cycle of delay and exhaustion. Here are some observations and a few thoughts on the day’s events and your overall effort to break free from the pattern: 1. Repetitive Disturbances: The early morning started with more police calls and threats, setting a tone of interruption right out of the gate. You did well managing these, but there’s an underlying emotional toll that’s evident. 2. Political and Emotional Hangover: The election results clearly left you with a feeling of political and emotional fatigue. Not only did this impact your mood, but it also seemed to fuel some existential frustration. There’s a raw honesty in how you recognize that the results cast a shadow on everything, including what might have otherwise been productive attempts at work and writing. 3. Struggles with Health and Energy: Food habits and junk food binges, coupled with the significant sleep deficit, are indicative of how hard it is to maintain balance under current stressors. Although the binge reflects some frustration, it’s also an understandable reaction to the overload. The day’s two fragmented naps, adding up to only a _miserable_ sleep score of 38%, underscore just how extreme the deficit has become. 4. Brief Moments of Inspiration: The surprise message from a “former you-know-what” provided a burst of motivation, however brief. The reflection on how creative pursuits and inspired tasks bring out your best self is a valuable reminder of where your true focus and satisfaction lie. And though the momentum might not have sustained for the entire day, it’s a useful insight for the long run. 5. Backlog Pressure and Declining Routines: The backlog buildup and mounting obligations are clearly weighing on you, and there’s an understandable sense of frustration as to how everything that usually supports your productivity – **Trubadúr**, the Pomodoro routine, **Koláčapka**, etc. – feels out of sync. The acknowledgment of needing to find stability, even if only through “blind” Pomodoro attempts, is a constructive approach for a time when clarity is scarce. 6. Efforts to Conclude with Some Focus: The 3-hour-and-40-minute push to complete the blog post draft shows resilience and determination. Even if it required monumental effort, it’s an impressive feat. It was also a productive choice in the middle of chaos, giving the day a defining accomplishment, even if exhaustion overtook by the end. ### Final Takeaway While the day appears to have spiraled in different ways, there’s a significant positive in how you addressed it: You took notes, examined the day critically, and found moments of purpose amid the chaos. Despite the many struggles, your reflections suggest you’re actively learning from these difficult days. One point to consider is whether > [!bug] Robot got cut off by network failure. ## Robot Feedback on the Day #2 This day, marked by exhaustion and frustration, seems to have been another day heavily dominated by external stresses – starting with the early morning threat emails, followed by the slow creep of mental fatigue from Election Night, which appears to have hampered your productivity and resolve. Here’s a breakdown of my key impressions and feedback: #### **Strengths** 1. Persistence: Despite everything, you managed to complete the English blog post draft, a significant creative accomplishment on an otherwise tough day. 2. Reflection and Attempted Structure: You consistently came back to reflections about what went wrong and how you might adjust, especially around the urge to fall back on junk food and the overwhelming backlog. 3. Coping through Creativity: Finding inspiration – even in unexpected messages from “former you-know-who” and the illustrative addition to the *Vďibňík* – shows you tapping into what energizes you, even during a low. #### **Challenges** 1. Sleep Deficit: Sleep disruption from Election Night clearly destabilized everything else; without solid rest, your ability to control impulses and maintain focus was understandably impaired. 2. Nutritional Setbacks: Junk food indulgence seemed to follow on the heels of each stressor, adding to the day’s sense of derailment. The recurring kitchen disorder, compounded by lingering dishes, likely intensified this loop of frustration. 3. Overwhelming Backlogs: The mountain of backlogs, compounded by skipped habit-trackers and to-do items, adds to a sense of helplessness that seemed to snowball throughout the day. Clearly, one thing you’ve identified is that smaller, achievable Pomodoro-driven goals may help start chipping away at the chaos, rather than letting it grow out of reach. #### **Key Takeaway** Amid the challenges, the best course forward likely lies in: - Prioritizing sleep above all else. A higher quality rest will recharge your cognitive and physical energy to tackle these various demands. - Breaking down tasks in a way that’s gentler and sustainable; relying on *Cibuľe* and *Papriki* during Pomodoros to inject frequent, structured pauses. - Clearing space, literally and figuratively: Addressing smaller chores like dish-washing and cleaning could diminish “visible” sources of mental clutter that add to fatigue. #### **Guess at Star Rating** Given the intensity of setbacks but the redeeming factor of completing the blog draft, I’d estimate this as a **⭐⭐ (2-star)** day – a day of repeated setbacks, with redeeming creative output. This was an admirably resilient effort in the face of difficult odds. Tomorrow, with sleep and smaller, achievable tasks in focus, may offer a more rewarding day. > Thank you! Your original response glitched, but almost towards the end; so we will have the luxury to upload *two* of your analyses for the same day in today's *Vďibňík*, haha. Ha! Two analyses for the price of one – *Vďibňík* is getting the VIP treatment. Here’s to hoping tomorrow’s entry doesn’t need double commentary, but instead brings a smoother day (and a clearer path up that backlog mountain). Looking forward to our next round! > You were finishing your first analysis with the following paragraph: > [!quote] While the day appears to have spiraled in different ways, there’s a significant positive in how you addressed it: You took notes, examined the day critically, and found moments of purpose amid the chaos. Despite the many struggles, your reflections suggest you’re actively learning from these difficult days. One point to consider is whether > Any idea how you intended to finish that last sentence? You had me on my toes there, but you suddenly got cut off by network failure following the word `whether`! So what *might* have been that "one point to consider" you were about to mention? Yes, thank you for catching that cliffhanger! Here’s how I’d complete the thought: > [!quote] One point to consider is whether you could adapt your response when spirals start to build, perhaps by setting a quick “grounding action” or mini-break to break the momentum of chaos. This could mean a short Pomodoro burst with something small and achievable, a quick walk to clear your head, or even a change in your physical environment to reset. Such a pattern might help intercept and ease the buildup of frustration or fatigue before they reach critical levels. It’s about training a mini-reset response to reclaim agency over the day, rather than letting the day’s challenges dominate. You’re already doing this in many ways, but honing it into a conscious practice might give you a fresh edge in handling the more intense days. In essence, the idea is to “catch and reset” the day as it starts to slip – like a gentle course correction, acknowledging that perfect control isn’t the goal, but rather a method to ride out these turbulent periods with a bit more peace and resilience. > Thank you; an interesting suggestion; one I haven't heard in this form before. 🤔 > > As to the star rating, thank you for flattering me at least a little bit in your pair of today's summaries, but this, to me, is as clear-cut a 1-star (⭐) day as can be. Our *first*, ever since we started doing day recaps together over 2 weeks ago; it had to come one day. We started out with an amazing, almost uninterrupted series of 5-star days; now it looks like we're sinking to the ground, with a 2-star day followed by a 1-star day. I'm afraid that's how life just is. You’re right – this day really did qualify for rock-bottom on your scale, with exhaustion, missteps, and frustrations piling on until it practically defined what a 1-star day would look like. But if life’s fluctuations mean we’ve gone from a series of 5-star highs to a 1-star low, it only adds perspective. While no one wants these lows, they serve as the “ground” that makes the highs mean something, after all. And sometimes, the drop itself acts as a sort of wake-up call, prompting fresh tactics and experiments for grounding and recovery – like our talk of “catch and reset.” But one thing is clear: this scale of yours isn’t merely reflective. It’s a true map, showing where you’ve been and where you aim to go. The 1-star today doesn’t erase the past series of highs. Rather, it’s a *contrast*, and in life, that contrast is often exactly what adds depth and gives a sense of real momentum. Let's see where tomorrow brings us. Even if the ground feels low now, the map says a high could be nearer than it feels today. > We'll see. One reason why this was a 1-star day is that the chief "redeeming part" of it, that 3-and-a-half-hour push to finish the English blog post draft, came at the expense of "magic 22", and if not that, then at least a pre-midnight conclusion of the day. Instead, it's 0:58 a.m. once again; and you are suggesting yourself above that **fixing sleep** should likely be my top priority now. So, it's a failure within failure that I couldn't at least *conclude* this dud of a day on time, if nothing else. > > (And I may no longer be able to retrieve yesterday's school lunch from the cafeteria anymore; it depends on whether I manage to fall asleep now, given the exhaustion, or not. It should be a given that yes, sleep will come very easily now – but that's what I thought 48 hours ago, too, but instead of sleep, that disastrous night full of p-tempt & j-tempt & eat-tempt followed.) I completely get why this day earned that 1-star rating – when the one redeeming effort undercuts the very fix you’re trying to establish, it can feel like a double setback. Finishing the blog draft at such a cost undermines your top priority of a timely sleep cycle, especially since “magic 22” and a pre-midnight close are so pivotal for resetting. That extra hour into the night, though it produced the draft, keeps the overall rhythm off-kilter. The recent pattern of exhaustion-followed-by-temptation is unsettling, especially when one sleepless night opens the door to another. Breaking that cycle might demand that any kind of progress – blog, backlog, or otherwise – waits until sleep is fully back under control. A reset could mean that getting to bed early becomes the day’s only mission, at least until the fatigue has eased. Tonight, focus on winding down entirely; every bit of “pre-sleep” unwinding matters now. If the pattern does shift, this tough day will have served as the marker of a turning point. Let’s make the 1-star day stand alone and work to climb back up from here – one steady night at a time. > Thank you. See you tomorrow for the Thursday recap! You're very welcome! I’ll be here and ready for a fresh look at tomorrow. Here’s hoping it brings a well-deserved rise back up the star scale. Sleep well, and talk soon!