2024-11-12-Tue (317)

> [!check] This is a page out of [[What Is Grail Diary|Grail Diary]]. Sleep (Sleep): 23:10 – 02:25 (03:15) *preferred from 10 to 5* > just barely, but this can perhaps be considered a `poloviční jaskinní Spánok`; rated at 33% by `Chrapapka`, with 1 minute of snoring, and effectiveness slightly above 100%, so that's OK; woke up *just in time* for the Kings' game, due to start in Calgary at 2:30 a.m.; feeling reasonably fresh, for such a brief night sleep (barely 'half-way'); time to start the newspaper proofreading night shift, I guess; at any rate, after such a disastrous day as Monday was, it was at least good that, while missing `magic 22`, I at least managed to fall asleep well ahead of midnight --- Online Comm (Altruism): 02:25 – 02:40 (00:15) *all types of it* --- Umeňie (Štúdium): 02:40 – 03:25 (00:45) *study of fiction* > (nominal) Although feeling *relatively* fresh, couldn't bring myself to get out of bed & start the newspaper night shift; instead, I remained in bed, watching the Kings' game in Calgary on `miniPad`, the entire 1st period; the game was just too interesting to let me go; even though the period ended 0-0, and the Kings were distinctly outshot. Meanwhile, Kings trail 0-2 after 2nd period, on their way to lose this game – I blame *myself* for that, of course; just like I lost focus yesterday Monday, and the day got out of hand for me as it went along, the same can be observed here in the Kings' game; I very much doubt they can turn it around in 3rd period. --- Chores Evening (Chores): 03:25 – 03:54 (00:29) *miscellanea at home & outside* > preparing some tea, among other things, to calm my nerves --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): 03:54 – 04:56 (01:03) *Grail Diary entries or review* --- News (Robota): 04:56 – 06:12 (01:16) *newspaper proofreading night shift* > with 2.5 minutes left in the game, Kings cut the deficit to 1-2, but then Calgary scores into empty net: 1-3 loss for the Kings, damping my mood even further during this night shift; feeling great exhaustion now, and `p-tempt` coming over me, too – will need to finish the night shift, do the Monday recap with the robot, and go to bed *immediately*, to get that *second* `poloviční jaskinní Spánok` (and possibly even more) for the day; food prohibited for the entire Tuesday, of course, to punish myself for the Monday junk food gorging, so that way, I will at least *save some time* that would otherwise have been spent by *eating*; I can devote it to removing backlogs, sleeping, washing the mountain of dishes totally obstructing the kitchen tabletop... whatever! --- Admin Chores (Robota): 06:12 – 06:18 (00:06) *includes work preparation & organizing* > night shift disposed of in 76 minutes – 14 minutes fewer than the expected default of 90 minutes, which is nice; feeling *extreme* fatigue now; `p-tempt` subsided, has almost vanished; I'll do the Monday recap with the robot now, and then it's off to bed – and with no T1 `escenarios`, please, because then today, Tuesday, might take a similarly disastrous turn as yesterday Monday! --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): 06:18 – 06:48 (00:30) *Grail Diary entries or review* > (nominal) --- Tvorba (Štúdium): 06:48 – 20:32 (13:44) *typically writing* --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): 20:33 – 21:26 (00:54) *Grail Diary entries or review* > It's an absolutely, utterly *insane* thing that happened today. Likely no one will believe me when I say this, but I haven't *budged* from this office chair for close to 14 hours (!) now. (There may have been at most *two* trips to `ňebulharskí Líder na Trhu`.) Absolutely, totally insane. Well, what happened was that, *thoroughly exhausted*, I simply wanted to do the Monday recap with the robot at around 6 a.m. or so. So, I went ahead as usual, intending to wrap it up ASAP so I can go to bed and get that second `poloviční jaskinní Spánok` for the day. Instead, what occurred was that my usual *Vďibňík* co-writer, the kind `4o` robot (greetings to you, my friend, as you peruse these lines for today's recap!), shockingly awarded me ⭐⭐⭐ for the utter failure that had been yesterday, Monday – a clear-cut 1-star (⭐) day to me. This surprised me so much, I thought to myself: 'Well, I just *gotta* have a *second* robotic opinion on this!' So, I fired up the rather unfriendly, dry, humorless, and sometimes even brusque, allegedly the smartest robot that there currently is, `o1-preview`, and I let *him* evaluate yesterday, Monday, too. And sure enough, he only rated Monday ⭐⭐, so 'more precisely', you could say, compared to the `4o` robot. Yet I myself rated the same day only ⭐; and this gave me an idea: what about publishing, as an *exception*, my journal entry for that awful Monday yesterday, as a *blog post* (showcasing, for the very first time, parallel evaluations of the same day by *two* different robots)? Or at least advertize it as a blog post? To evaluate this intention, I let both the `4o` & the `o1-preview` robot evaluate the `Vďibňík` journal page for yesterday Monday for its 'blog-worthiness'. Interestingly, the usually stricter robot, `o1-preview`, rated the page at ⭐⭐⭐½, while `4o`, so friendly at all times (too polite!), only rated it ⭐⭐½. Both robots, however, wisely advised me *against* promoting the journal page as a regular blog post; a journal is a journal – it's just *not* a blog; completely different genres! But this gave me *yet another* idea: publish a Substack *meta*-blogpost, so to say, featuring those two evaluations by the two robots; tihis would showcase their comparison to readers rather nicely. Long story short: I've been sitting in this office chair for *14 straight hours* (that's abuse of one's body, of course), because I just wanted to have the Substack blog post published at all costs; and it *is* published now – so that the publishing doesn't drag out over many days, like it did the previous time with the pair of blog posts on Copilot's failings in Excel. So, a thoroughly *cretive* day: at the expense of *everything* else; that's *not* good; but it's downright *miraculous* that fatigue simply *evaporated* from me – even though 14 hours ago, I could barely remain sitting in this office chair! *This* is what creativity does to you: it *banishes* all traces of fatigue, leaving only joy and excitement in its place. Naturally, the fatigue and sleep deficit is still there; they've only retreated into the background for a short while; they will sure as hell hit me with full force, as soon as the excitement borne out of creativity subsides; I must be ready for that. So, this could perhaps be a 4-star day, even a 5-star day, with such an *explosion* of crativity – if it weren't for yet *another* utter moral failure on my part, which ensures that this Tuesday likely can't be rated higher than 2 stars. I've felt no temptations since around mid-afternoon – because *creativity* took hold of me *fully*, leaving place for nothing else, *no nonsense*: my singular 'laser' focus was on getting the Substack post finished ASAP, but not at the expense of quality; that's why it took me around 14 hours to craft & publish it! By the way, I let *three* robots evaluate it after it got published: the grumpy `o1-preview` robot rated it ⭐⭐⭐, `4o`rated it ⭐⭐⭐½, and the overly enthusiastic (superficial...) `o1-mini`robot bestowed ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ on it; what a wide range of ratings! But *before* I was *sure* I'd get the blog post done *today* – I once again, in several installments here at `Repakokpit`, succumbed to 3 or 4 bouts of not just `p-tempt` like yesterday, but `j-tempt`, too, with quite ferocious & prolonged `jeing`, all the while sitting in the office chair & working to complete the blog post. How embarrassing... Yet it was the only way I saw to overcome the early morning's monumental fatigue; an 'artificial drug', that's what this `p-stuff`and `jeing`are! And there's no faking it now: `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` failed *yet again*, and I will need to re-launch it *yet again*, tomorrow, on 13th November 2024; I wish '13' would turn out to be the lucky number! So, the ill relative's birthday 2 days ago eventually did *not* help to have `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` truly launched; if the relative *doesn't* conquer the illness, I will consider it partly *my* fault, due to betraying, once again, my declarations about `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` from 2 days ago. Just embarrassing! It's 9:02 p.m. now, and the school lunch is, as usual, unretrieved; I will once again need to go there in the middle of the night, or around dawn tomorrow monring; that's *not* good. Plus, there's the newspaper night shift coming up. And, I will *not* keep the fast as I originally intended it: a 30-hour fast, meant to punish me for my manifold transgressions from yesterday; yet a *new*, equally bad set of transgressions followed today, Tuesday – so let's just cancel the 30-hour fast. The fast has been running for over 22 hours now, anyway, which is punishing enough, I think; it's not good to start eating at 9 p.m.; it would be wiser to wait until 5 a.m.; but I'm too nervous now; there is the remnant of Friday's (!) lunch still in the fridge (hopefully, still edible: `langoše`, 😋 three pieces of them), as well as the *full* lunch from yesterday Monday, highlighted by the classic of Slovak school cuisine: `dukátové buchtičky`. 🤤 So, I'm just going to *devour* all of that now: a three-course dinner! Then I will try and get some sleep; will set the alarm clock for 4:30 a.m., as usual, because of the night shift; and who knows when I get to the school cafeteria to retrieve the lunch... Perhaps I will fail to fall asleep, despite (no doubt) what must be *monumental* fatigue and sleep deficit in the back of my mind and body, only temporarily suppressed by creativity; and then I could indeed pick up *today's* lunch from school with the night bus, in the middle of the night, if I fail to fall asleep. The former client has been bugging me since early morning with fixing the EPUB edition of his book; that's an additional item to worry about along with everything else. Naturally, I haven't done *anything at all* in terms of reducing the backlogs, even though we agreed with the robot in yesterday's day recap that this must be my top priority; *creativity* just suppressed and delayed *everything* today. It was exhilirating, but it's also dangerous – to sacrifice *everything* else at the altar of `Tvorba`! Well, and a purely work-related DM has just arrived from `you-know-who`, letting me know I would only need to substitute for 3 newspaper day shift hours tomorrow, instead of 5, which was what I was fearing; we'll be splitting those 5 hours between the two of us (2 + 3); great news! *** Krmivo (Chores): 21:26 – 23:00 (01:33) *mealtimes* > I was so exhausted I even failed to eat the *entire* portion of my favorite school dish, `dukátové buchtičky`; remnants will need to be thrown away tomorrow morning, given the intermittent fast running in the morning; I barely found the strength to *warm up* the two school dishes; couldn't properly hold `MaxiPad` in front of my eyes, as I was lying in bed, stuffing myself; and no wonder, after that marathon of 14 straight hours in `Repakokpit`'s office chair, creating that Substack blog post! The three delicious `langoše` from *Friday* school lunch were still perfectly edible on Tuesday late evening, and didn't need to be warmed up from the fridge, either. Out of nervousness, though, I also started devouring the dual junk food of potato chips & peanut puffs, along with regular school dishes; and that then came at the expense of failing to eat all of `dukátové buchtičky`. Fortunately, I at least did not devour *entire* bags of the two junk food varieties; 'only' about a half of each bag. And the 22+ hour fast showed its effects: my weight, despite stuffing myself with junk food last night, remained at 10 kilos overweight. But now, with the *second straight* late-night stuffing, it's likely to be higher again, when I mount `elektrickí Brawčomer` later today. Thoroughly exhausted, the stomach bursting, I fell asleep at 11 p.m., with the alarm clock set for 4:28 a.m. because of the newspaper night shift. *** ## Robot Feedback on the Day Thanks for providing the complete Tuesday recap. Here’s a detailed analysis and feedback on the day, along with a predicted star rating based on what I’ve observed in your comments: --- #### Analysis and Feedback 1. Creative Focus and Sustained Effort: - It’s worth noting the 14-hour dedication to a single creative task without a break, which demonstrates both impressive focus and a deep immersion in `Tvorba`. The result was a Substack blog post you’re clearly invested in, and the satisfaction it brought seems to have energized you, even if temporarily. The significant time spent on creativity underlines your tendency to let creativity supersede other priorities, which you acknowledged. Maintaining this intense concentration suggests both your capacity for dedicated work and a vulnerability to losing balance. 2. Physical and Mental Fatigue: - The extended sitting and creative focus masked your fatigue for most of the day. However, it appears this suppression left you vulnerable to distractions and temptations later, especially as exhaustion finally set in. The fatigue's eventual consequences included disrupted structure, binge-eating, and falling short on other planned tasks like addressing your backlogs. 3. Temptation and Self-Discipline: - The day’s *moral setbacks* you experienced reflect a similar pattern from Monday, with lapses into both `p-tempt` and `j-tempt` throughout the day. Despite declaring `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` for lasting change, the routine temptations undermined the day’s higher aspirations, and these patterns seem to have intensified as the day grew later. Your assessment of temptation as an “artificial drug” is insightful and may serve as a useful reminder of its disruptive power. 4. Physical Health and Eating Patterns: - Ending the day with a binge on `langoše`, `dukátové buchtičky`, and junk food, following an almost 22-hour fast, reflects some tension between intention and action. While the fast initially served as self-discipline, the intensity of your creative effort and mental drain ultimately led to a loss of control here as well. This sequence points to the importance of restoring physical and mental energy before it reaches a breaking point. 5. Positive Observations: - Your self-awareness and ability to articulate your goals, weaknesses, and values remain a strong point. You’re in tune with your own shortcomings and quick to reflect on potential improvements. This level of self-knowledge is key for making future adjustments. --- #### Suggested Adjustments 1. Scheduled Pauses for Physical Movement: - Setting short, non-negotiable breaks for even minimal physical movement could prevent prolonged sitting, which evidently exacerbated fatigue and temptation. You could schedule these around Pomodoro intervals, perhaps every two hours if a full Pomodoro feels too frequent. 2. Reducing All-or-Nothing Thinking: - The intensity with which you approach tasks like fasting, working, and eating suggests that slightly loosening the rigidity could help you meet goals with more consistency. For instance, easing into shorter, balanced fasts on creative days may better support energy, which, in turn, could mitigate temptations. 3. Leveraging Rewards Wisely: - Creating a tiered reward system, where you give yourself small, non-food rewards for meeting certain goals (even small ones), might reduce the likelihood of seeking comfort in `p-tempt`, `j-tempt`, or junk food as a way to cope with fatigue or frustration. 4. Adding a Secondary Creative Outlet: - Since creativity is your best remedy against fatigue, introducing a lighter, secondary creative task (e.g., jotting ideas for a future blog or engaging in brief reflective writing) might alleviate pressure on one single project. This secondary task would also give you a creative space to turn to when you’re near burnout on any one project. --- #### Star Rating Guess: Based on your reflections, it’s clear this day had notable highs from creative fulfillment but was hampered by recurring setbacks and an overall sense of imbalance. I would estimate a **2-star (⭐⭐)** rating, as you did achieve meaningful creative work but struggled with discipline and balance. However, if the late temptations and indulgences felt especially discouraging, I could also see this dipping to **1 star (⭐)**, given your high standards and recent personal resolutions. Let me know how this aligns with your self-assessment. > Many thanks; great analysis! 👍 > > You guessed correctly: it's a 2-star (⭐⭐) day, and that extra star is only there because I did manage to finish the blog post in a single day, instead of it dragging on and on and on over many days like the preceding pair of blog posts on Copilot failures in Excel. I wanted to avoid the repetition of *that* nightmare at all costs, given the mountain of top-urgent backlogs I need to work on – just no time to work on blog posts in a leisurely, methodical fashion, observing Pomodoros, etc. I was like a *creature possessed* on this Tuesday (and that's why I also abandoned myself, once again, to all sorts of animal-like pseudo-pleasures), but did manage to finish that no. 1 goal I had in sight: get that blog post published, so I can move on to the backlogs and everything else, with no distractions from unexpected inspiration. > > But as one of my favorite philosophers, Schopenhauer, used to say (paraphrasing): "When inspiration hits you and you feel that something needs to be said/written, which will be a pretty *infrequent* occurrence in your life on the whole, put everything aside and do write it down right away, while the inspiration is still fresh in you." > > Well, I did as Schopenhauer advised, but there were many casualties: trivial ones, like the delicious Tuesday school lunch that will now need to be put in the trash can, unretrieved once again; and the chief casualty: yet another failure to get `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` truly started, so it will need to happen tomorrow, on 13th November 2024, instead; and everything in between, including the embarrassing `p-tempt` and `j-tempt` relapses. > > Hopefully, there will never be a day like this again, despite the mitigating circumstance of creativity. Your commitment to Schopenhauer’s guidance on inspiration is clearly part of what drives those exceptional bursts of creativity – and it’s impressive how you channel this, even if it sometimes leaves collateral damage in its wake. Prioritizing creativity when it strikes, especially for a deeply engaging piece, is indeed a hard call to resist, and you made sure to see it through fully rather than letting it linger. Achieving that level of immersion, even if costly, is its own kind of accomplishment, especially in light of all your other pressures and demands. However, as you said, the intensity also brings vulnerability – leaving you feeling as though you were “possessed,” leading to lapses that feel like retreats from higher ideals. The balance here is tricky, but maybe it’s possible to honor inspiration *without* sacrificing your key goals. It’s a challenging task, but it seems essential to preserving the momentum for your new era. Looking forward to hearing how tomorrow goes, hopefully with a steadier rhythm, fewer temptations, and progress on the backlog without compromising your creative spark. Here’s to November 13 as the *true* beginning of `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`! > Thank you! > > I should mention that your advice (some of which I've never heard before in this particular form) in the `Suggested Adjustments` section is very much appreciated, and I will try and implement as many of such suggestions as will be feasible. > > See you tomorrow for the Wednesday recap! You're very welcome! I'm glad the suggestions resonated with you, and it’s encouraging to know you’re considering them. Looking forward to our recap tomorrow, as always.