2024-11-16-Sat (321)

> [!check] This is a page out of [[What Is Grail Diary|Grail Diary]]. Sleep (Sleep): 22:42 – 04:29 (05:47) *preferred from 10 to 5* > `F` = *forced wake-up* because of the night newspaper shift, but otherwise, another *great* night sleep: rated 58% by `Chrapapka`, slightly above 100% effectiveness; actual time spent asleep 5 hours & 4 minutes; only 2 minutes of snoring – the tough walk from yesterday showing its positive effects. And the most astonishing & positive thing: `Chrapapka` now showing my *night sleep regularity* at a whopping *93%*! Only a couple of weeks ago, I was unable to get even a *single* minute of *night* sleep – and now I'm suddenly at 93%? Wow! --- Chores Evening (Chores): 04:29 – 04:59 (00:30) *miscellanea at home & outside* > `LT` & `DN`. Yet my demons did not desert me with the help of the excellent sleep; perhaps, if there was no *forced* wake-up, via the alarm clock, and a *brutal* Friday night shift coming up – I might have calmed down & recovered my senses. As it was, I was unable to do so. Even before *starting* the night shift, I spent another half hour continuing with exactly what I finished the previous evening with: `p-stuff` & `jeing`. Then, I transferred to `Repakokpit`'s office chair, launched `p-stuff` (in plain-text format, too!) on side monitor there, too, and dove into night-shift, which was *brutal*, interlacing it with `p-stuff` & `jeing` for *hours*; I completely lost my senses. Succumbing to `p-tempt` & `j-tempt` right *off-the-bat* as the *very first thing* in the morning meant that a relaunch of `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` would not be possible today, Saturday, either; it would have to wait until tomorrow, the greatest holiday there is (in my estimation), for former Czechoslovakia: the 17th November. It's more important to me than Christmas or Easter (I apologize to anyone offended). Well, if `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`is to be re-launched yet again, the 17th November tomorrow will be the day to do it! --- News (Robota): 04:59 – 07:06 (02:07) *newspaper proofreading night shift* > brutal Friday night shift, extending well beyond Saturday dawn; I hardly knew what I was doing, with all the `p-stuff`& `jeing` interfering, so subsequent times are given roughly here; Saturday proper started taking *brutal* shape, too, with a steady stream of new and new and new articles to process; fortunately, it was `ŽTB`'s shift from 8 to 10 a.m., not mine; mine was to follow from 8 to 10; but I was so flabbergasted by everything happening since last night, I remained sitting at `Repakokpit`until 8:32 a.m., doing god-knows-what amid all the `p-stuff` and `jeing`and newspaper stuff interfering: a *disruption* of the system of shifts scheduling I devised for the proofreading a year ago occurred, with `ŽTB` proposing sudden modifications of it that are likely to confuse everyone on the team; well, that's why I took such care with composing the feedback form for `ŽoTB` on Thursday: because a new `ŽTB` is needed; but adding to all the other stress, all the backlogs, this *new* confusion with shifts scheduling – well, that was the final knockout for me. --- Admin Chores (Robota): 07:06 – 08:32 (01:26) *includes work preparation & organizing* > still in `Repakokpit`, doing heaven-knows-what (in addition to all the nasty stuff; discussing the utter shifts scheduling chaos with `ŽTB` & others, I guess) --- Krmivo (Chores): 08:32 – 09:13 (00:41) *mealtimes* > out of utter depression, reached for another pair of peanut puffs bags – junk food again, instead of a proper breakfast; then, depressed & exhausted, fell asleep at 9:13 a.m., with the alarm clock set for 9:58 a.m., for the 2-hour newspaper day shift coming up --- Nap (Sleep): 09:13 – 09:58 (00:45) *afternoon preferred* > `F`; yet another *forced wake-up* via alarm clock, of course; `Chrapapka`rated this 45-minute nap (pseudo-nap?) at 10% (so that's *high* effectiveness distinctly above 100%) despite at the same time saying I *never* actually fell asleep; I was merely lying on the torn mattress with eyes closed; but apparently, that counts for something, too, because I felt sufficiently refreshed, when the Hitchcock/*Psycho*-style alarm clock started screaming at me, to get up from 'bed' and sit in `Repakokpit` for the day shift again; sufficiently refreshed to get to the *chair*, but not to abstain from `p-stuff`& `jeing`once there; those continued on for *hours*. Regarding the morning nap, `Chrapapka` says my regularity for *that* is now at 44%, too. --- Robota Local (Robota): 09:58 – 12:00 (02:02) *money-making from home office* > depressive day newspaper shift due to articles overload (and it continued in this way for the entire rest of Saturday: colleague who was supposed to finish her proofreading shift at 7 p.m. had to keep proofreading until 8:30 p.m.); I only managed to remain sitting in `Repakokpit`'s office chair thanks to the artificial drug of `p-stuff` opened on a side monitor; occasional `jeing` throughout --- Admin Chores (Robota): 12:00 – 13:17 (01:17) *includes work preparation & organizing* > I was supposed to finish at noon, but totally lost track of what I was doing, why, and where; got confused by all the `p-stuff` interfering from side monitor; `jeing` on and off; simply: another 77 minutes, or so, passed, before I finally got up from `Repakokpit`'s chair, and transferred to bed/torn mattress on the floor; but only to *continue* with `p-stuff`, & `jeing`, with `miniPad` there; only at 2:17 p.m. when, out of frustration & depression, I started gorging myself with junk food, the `p-stuff` & `jeing`stopped; *for life*?! It seems like such an *unrealistic* ambition, given my numerous failures in this regard from recent weeks; but I'm holding on to it. --- Chores Noon (Chores): 13:17 – 14:17 (01:00) *miscellanea at home & outside* > `LT` & `DN` --- Krmivo (Chores): 14:17 – 15:17 (01:00) *mealtimes* > (nominal) in utter depression & frustration, just stuffing myself with miscellaneous junk food, lying in bed, of course; although only an hour earlier, I had the high ambition to set out for a *long and demanding* walk, for 2nd straight day: the toughest mountain climb that there is in Bratislava (from Patrónka to Kamzík), or at least to the shopping center in Kittsee, Austria, and back; but all energy deserted me, and I remained lying in bed, depressed and powerless. --- Chores Noon (Chores): 15:17 – 16:10 (00:53) *miscellanea at home & outside* > doing nothing; just remaining lying in bed, with all strength (especially mental) gone; desultorily looking through hockey message boards (HFboards), etc.; but at least no more `jeing` & `p-stuff`: those are the low standard I've sunken to. --- Krmivo (Chores): 16:10 – 16:19 (00:09) *mealtimes* > out of depression, and despite not being hungry at all, and despite being severely overweight on `elektrickí Brawčomer` in the morning, cooked & ate Vietnamese instant noodle soup; again, lying in bed/on torn mattress on the floor; at least this means I started today's fast '41 minutes too early', which means I can start eating again as soon as at 4:19 a.m. instead of at 5 in the morning as usual. --- Chores Noon (Chores): 16:19 – 16:45 (00:26) *miscellanea at home & outside* > once again, doing nothing in depression, then, out of sheer exhaustion (must be predominantly mental, I think), fell asleep at 4:45 p.m. --- Nap (Sleep): 16:45 – 17:56 (01:11) *afternoon preferred* > I actually managed to fall asleep here: for 6 minutes (!), says `Chrapapka`, rating this Nap at 15%; the rest of the 1 hour and 10 minutes, I was apparently just lying on bed with eyes closed; but even that seemed to help. *And*: my regularity of afternoon nap is now up to 43%, too, which is certainly encouraging. As disastrous, and a series of failures, as this week has been, at least I seem to be getting my *sleep* back on track, if nothing else; and sleep is *essential*, of course. --- Chores Noon (Chores): 17:56 – 18:24 (00:28) *miscellanea at home & outside* --- Online Comm (Altruism): 18:24 – 21:27 (03:03) *all types of it* > all sorts of urgent messages, mingled with `Robota`, `Admin Chores`, etc, etc., but I'm going to classify them here as `Online Communication`; slightly improved mood, but overall, the situation remains highly desperate, of course; among other things, a *tough* Saturday newspaper night shift is apparently coming up for me (I've set the alarm clock for 4:30 a.m. for it), based on `Šľakonáti` received from `ŽTB` and other colleagues; but also nice emails & `Whatsaponáti` with colleagues from school; also, the EPUB edition for former client reared its head again (one final time, hopefully), and I sent a detailed, 'creative' email again to former client & the EPUB publisher, BCC-ing `you-know-who` & paper publisher. --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): 21:27 – 21:32 (00:05) *Grail Diary entries or review* > (estimate) --- Chores Evening (Chores): 21:32 – 21:58 (00:27) *miscellanea at home & outside* > At least brushed my teeth, if nothing else – no shower for 3 days now, I think! How embarrassing! And that is definitely no way to make the (by now) *remnants* of `starf` rash to go away; on the contrary, it's the best way to enflame it again... --- Vďibňík (Štúdium): 21:58 – 00:02 (02:04) *Grail Diary entries or review* > In addition to all the backlogs driving me *insane* for *months*, or for a couple of *years* (last 'normal day' I can remember was 31th August *2022*), there's now the `Koláčapka` backlog, too: need to enter records since yesterday's *early* trip to school cafeteria retroactively. Also, for the first time since doing the day recaps with the robot, I now have backlogs in *that* also: will need to do both recaps, for Friday and today's Saturday, immediately one after another; this means that `magic 22` for today is lost (it's 10 p.m. on the spot as I type this); and a severe night newspaper shift is ahead (alarm clock set for 4:30 a.m.), followed by probably also severe morning shift from 6 to 10 a.m., followed by a *definitely* severe day shifrt from 10 to 1 p.m.; an extremely tough strech for the next 15 hours for me; and that's on this sad holiday, the finest holiday there is, the 17th September – 35 years since the (formal) fall of Communism back in 1989, yet 35 years later, *(ex-)Communists* are still in charge in this benighted country. Makes you want to vomit! 🤮 Yet this momentous day, 17th November, is *exactly* the day when I will, once again, need to re-launch `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`; at least it will be *extremely easy* to remember, and it will be highly motivating. (Much more than the previous intention to 'turn the unlucky 13 into a lucky number'.) — Well, here I am, and it's 11:54 p.m.; the series of days with early, pre-midnight bed times will be broken; I've been retrospectively writing these notes in `Koláčapka`for 2 hours (!) now: notes since I entered the school cafeteria for lunch yesterday, until now; some may say: 'Are you insane?! Writing into your journal/*Vďibňík* for *two straight hours*, when you keep complaining you have no time to remove backlogs, to engage in 'proper studies', etc.?!' Well, I consider it *necessary* to capture my *failures* in such a *detailed* fashion; I hope this will be an investment in time that will pay its dividends eventually; I must capture every single catastrophic decision I made, every humiliating transgression I committed over the last couple of days – in order to *learn* from it, and never to *repeat* such conduct and mistakes again. — Will now do *two* recaps with the robot in a row: first for Friday, then for Saturday; this may take an additional hour or longer, so I may get to bed by 1 a.m.; and the cursed, Hitchcock-style alarm clock is already set for 4:28 a.m.; so there will be no time for proper night sleep; but never mind: *this* is more imporant than sleep – a thorough review of all my failures and transgressions; I suddenly feel *totally fresh* right now, in fact, even though it has *just* struck midnight; as soon as I 'unloaded all of my sins' from yesterday and earlier today here into `Koláčapka`'s *Notes* windows: as if my mind were suddenly *cleansed* from everything bad that happened and that I committed, and *freshness* of mind was restored in that way. *** ## Robot Feedback on the Day Thank you for providing the full day's account in our agreed-upon format. Here’s an analysis, feedback, and a suggested star rating based on the details you shared: #### Analysis & Key Observations 1. Night and Morning Struggles: - Starting the day off with a forced wake-up and intense night shift compounded the challenges of managing your morning routines, particularly when `p-stuff` and `jeing` reappeared early on. This undermined momentum and significantly impacted your subsequent actions, throwing off the day’s structure before it began in earnest. 2. Newspaper Shift Disruption: - With the ongoing shifts and chaos with `ŽTB`'s scheduling changes, the disruption of your carefully planned system must have felt like a particularly frustrating setback. It’s understandable that this contributed to the overall sense of disarray and exhaustion. The scheduling and workload at this point seem to have piled on to the frustrations and contributed to your sense of helplessness in facing backlogs. 3. Self-Care and Dietary Choices: - The repeated junk food consumption and postponed showering speak to the extent of fatigue and discouragement. Falling back on easy snacks during periods of low energy is common, but the snowballing of these choices into self-criticism likely intensified the feeling of failure, which in turn made the day’s challenges even harder to manage. 4. Day Structure & Afternoon Lull: - Post-shift, rather than finding rejuvenation in routine tasks or a walk, the energy dip and mental exhaustion led to a difficult afternoon marked by cycles of doing nothing (`DN`) and the “backlog avalanche.” This lack of structure resulted in several hours lost to introspection and frustration – although this might prove valuable if these observations help guide you forward. 5. Evening Reprieve with Communication: - Despite the day's earlier challenges, online communications with colleagues brought a slightly improved mood, underscoring how interaction – even just engaging messages – can provide a vital lift in spirits. However, by the end of the evening, a significant backlog in `Koláčapka` updates only intensified the feeling of falling behind, amplifying the need for your noted resolve to re-launch `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`. #### Suggested Adjustments 1. Structured Pause Between Shifts: - On high-stress shift days, a small structured pause, even 10–15 minutes in total calm, might help to recalibrate and reduce the intensity of later temptations. Practiced consistency with these pauses could add a needed buffer against `p-tempt` and `j-tempt` urges. 2. Minimalist Nutrition Plan: - As an alternative to snack foods, consider a pre-selected small meal – something nourishing but low-effort – ready to eat without much deliberation or preparation. This can potentially break the “junk food” cycle without adding strain during days when your energy is low. 3. Evening Self-Reflection Closure: - You might consider a simple, low-stress ritual of closure before bed, marking each evening with a positive, forward-looking thought (even if the day’s challenges weighed heavily). A small, final reflection focused only on successes, however modest, might help create a feeling of control and continuity, even on difficult days. 4. Reduced Expectations: - With `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií` on the horizon, striving for incremental wins rather than a complete shift might ease pressure. For example, setting a small goal like “five minutes of structured focus” on a backlog task might help counteract discouragement by demonstrating that progress is possible, even on challenging days. #### Star Rating Suggestion Considering the overwhelming frustrations, the relapse into unwanted habits, and the overall sense of despair that permeated the day, **I’d rate this day at 1 star (⭐)**. The bright spots in communication and brief surges of optimism, however, provide a touch of potential for future improvement, and your resolve for the 17th of November is particularly meaningful. Hopefully, tomorrow will provide a fitting stage for your “relaunch” and bring with it the clarity you’re seeking. > Thank you. Hopefully, it's going to happen, although it's going to be one tough Sunday: I'm solely responsible for proofreading anything that may be published by the newspaper and may come my way until 1 p.m.; that's over 12 hours from now. It's 48 minutes past midnight right now, and the alarm clock is set for 4:28 a.m.; I won't be getting proper night sleep, that much is certain already; the Saturday night shift will be severe, that much is clear as well; it's practically certain to overspill past Sunday dawn, to be immediately followed by the (fortunately, intermittent) Sunday morning shift from 6 to 10, to be immediately followed by the Sunday day shift (no breaks allowed) from 10 to 1. I should *finally* be liberated from all this `Robota` nuisance by 1 p.m.; so, a tough 12-hour stretch is straight ahead, with minimal time allowed for sleep. > > But no matter how tough it is, I just must not relapse into those pits of embarrassment where I allowed myself to plunge both yesterday (Saturday) and Friday. You're absolutely right to anticipate a challenging Sunday with that intense stretch ahead and minimal rest. Your determination to avoid the pitfalls of the past couple of days speaks to your resilience – especially impressive given the compounded demands of such a brutal 12-hour stretch and the recent setbacks. In light of your goal for November 17th, this could indeed be the perfect time to reassert control and hold onto that commitment. Given your schedule, a few strategies might help preserve your focus and resolve: 1. Mindful Mini-Breaks: Since true breaks aren’t feasible, consider taking 1–2 minutes every hour or so to close your eyes, breathe deeply, and visualize a calm, distraction-free mind. It might sound small, but these mini-reset moments can make a real difference in the face of relentless tasks. 2. Structured Checkpoints: Try setting mini-goals for each block of time – like a goal for the night shift, a distinct goal for the morning, and another for the day shift. With each milestone you reach, acknowledge the progress you’ve made rather than letting the hours feel like one endless grind. 3. Shielded Focus: When fatigue and stress reach critical levels, that's often when temptations creep in the hardest. Keep your surroundings “clean” – perhaps keep a reassuring note or reminder visible in your workspace, underscoring your resolve to avoid any distractions that don’t serve your ultimate goal. 4. Self-Appreciation: Give yourself credit for every small victory over temptation, however incremental. Reminding yourself of your progress is a powerful way to reinforce the mindset you’re building with each challenge you overcome. By the end of this tough stretch, you'll have reached a significant milestone in your ongoing journey. Reaffirming your goal to stay disciplined is a major step already, and it's bound to make a difference. And with each hour conquered, you’ll be that much closer to realizing the momentum you’re striving for. > Many thanks for the encouragement! > > Your 1-star (⭐) rating guess for Saturday is correct as well, of course. Which makes it *two* 1-star days in a row now, and Thursday was only ⭐⭐, too, if I recall correctly – overall, looks like a pretty dismal, depressing week so far. > > I'd be able to tell you the exact "happiness score" of mine in percentage points for the current week, if my `ROT`, or `Huey Habit Trackers`, as you excellently proposed to call them, weren't hopelessly crashed & out-of-operation for *months* now, but they are, so I'm unable to tell you the exact percentage of my (un)happiness for the current week, month, etc. It must be a pretty low percentage, though, I'm sure. I only know that the *happiness calculation formula* is `=((BN108/BO108)-1)/4`, but that's it; the data in `ROT` are currently missing; hopefully `ROT` can be restored to their full operation one fine day. Restoring your `ROT` to full operation would be quite an achievement, especially given the way it centralizes all your valuable data. Even if it’s daunting, the satisfaction and sense of clarity it could bring you would be substantial. If you want a fresh perspective on prioritizing steps to make this restoration manageable, I’m here to brainstorm ways to help you tackle it bit by bit. You’ve already designed the core system – the tricky part now is just getting it back on track. > Given how bad this week has been, I think I'll just be happy if I can squeeze **2 stars** out of this upcoming "festive" Sunday. Quotation marks need to be used, because for Slovakia to be ruled by ex-Communists 35 years after the official collapse of the Communist regime here – well, that can make one even more *depressed* and in no mood for celebrating anything. Even so, I intend to make this *dismal* 35th anniversary of 17th November the (or yet another....) great new re-lanuch of `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`! The irony of this "festive" Sunday, weighed down by Slovakia's current leadership, is hard to overlook—an anniversary meant for celebrating freedom, yet shadowed by the re-emergence of figures tied to an oppressive past. It’s understandable why this day would feel dismal, even mocking, instead of inspiring. But the silver lining here, if any, is that its heaviness could serve as a kind of fuel for a powerful, uncompromising `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`. Setting such a symbolic day as your relaunch date adds real gravity and even a bit of defiance to the effort. If you can manage to build the day toward those 2 stars, it might serve as the initial momentum you need, especially after this rough week. The aim could be not only to end Sunday with a “passable” day but to reclaim the spirit of November 17 in your own way. You’d be pushing against a larger, disheartening context but still making it a personal milestone. Let’s aim to keep the momentum in check, avoid past pitfalls, and focus on achievable, meaningful steps to bring yourself forward. > By the way, the LA Kings are hosting the lowly Detroit Red Wings at 2 a.m., so if I fail to fall asleep now (and my streak of early pre-midnight bed times is now broken, anyway, because I decided that catching up with *Vďibňík* and with you for our two day recaps in a row was more important than sleep) – perhaps I can combine the severe night newspaper shift with the hockey game (it's certainly better to combine it with *hockey* rather than all the nasty stuff from yesterday morning!), and then get some *longer* sleep until, say, 9 a.m., which, I guess, is the latest "permitted" time to start disposing of that intermittent 6 to 10 morning shift. > > At any rate, see you for our next recap, and I'll let you know just how this "festive" Sunday turned out – and whether it held at least *one* additional "happiness star" for me! That sounds like a solid plan for handling the heavy Sunday ahead. Integrating the Kings' game into the newspaper shift could give you a refreshing edge over any temptations or frustrations that might arise. There’s definitely something energizing about combining work with something you enjoy – much like tuning in to the game instead of leaning into distractions. May Sunday offer at least those 2 stars, if not more, and perhaps even provide a morale boost for `začiatok novej éry všetkých galaxií`. Looking forward to hearing how this new re-launch and the Sunday stretch unfold.